The opinions expressed herein are totally my own, and I am publishing this Journal entry at the request of some who follow me on social media.

I have not kept up with journaling since my beloved Liberty kitty crossed the rainbow bridge on Monday, January 22, 2024. My heart has been very broken, since then, and is even more broken now because Donald J. Trump has, once again, been elected President of the United States of America. It is nearly impossible for me to find the words to adequately describe how and what I am feeling, but I feel compelled to try, for the sake of posterity, and the hope journaling about this will dissolve and resolve some of the feelings I have about what has happened.

My parents brought me up to respect people, and to understand that each one of us has thoughts and ideas, often different from my own, and that is diversity, and diversity is positive and valuable for our culture and for the world. They also brought me up to respect the rights and views of others. Sounds great, doesn’t it? In many ways of course it is, and their teaching has served me well throughout my years of life on this earth. I feel extremely blessed to have had the parents God gave me. They taught me so much about how to live, and my obligations as a citizen of this country, as well as obligations as a member of the human race. But now, with the election of, let’s just call him DJT, for the sake of brevity, I’m finding myself facing a crisis out of proportion to any I’ve ever faced, previously. That is saying a lot, because I’ve faced some difficult and daunting battles in my life, and with God’s help, have overcome adverse circumstances and have prevailed and thrived, despite them. But now, alas, here I am, at this point, and I feel the ground shaking and shifting under my feet, in both a physical and cultural sense, and I feel totally overwhelmed and powerless in every way possible, with the exception of my faith in God and my unshakable belief in the saving grace of Jesus Christ, my Lord, Savior and Redeemer.

At the same time, I find myself feeling angrier than I ever have before. Who am I so angry with? I am angry with every single person who voted for DJT and who supports him and his policies of hate and exploitation. I feel these people have literally sold this country, and those of us who live here, including me, down the proverbial river into the bondage of Satan, and that’s about as far away from God as one can get. And, I feel many have done so in the name of Christianity, using the name of God to justify some very evil thoughts and actions in ways that dishonor God and put every person in this country in danger of being swallowed up by an evil that, in my way of thinking, has no bottom, and shows no love of neighbor or man or woman kind, whatsoever. Satan knows his time is growing very short, and he is using his minions and making the most of his power to deceive and destroy. I believe Trumpism is a dangerous cult that has infected our land and has taken over an entire political party, the Republican party, and it has also taken over a good portion of the church here, as well. That includes church leaders and pastors. I think the philosophy of this cult has corrupted the hearts and minds of many Christians in the United States, to the extent that many can no longer distinguish right from wrong or distinguish truth from lies. Some have switched off their conscience completely, and instead of putting their faith in God, have delivered it into the hands of Fox News and other news outlets who do not broadcast objective truth or even attempt to do so. What I believe they broadcast is primarily propaganda, lies and untruth. And they are not the only ones, many right-wing media outlets do the same. The problem is, in my view, many Christian conservatives do not allow their minds to experience anything outside of the purview of Fox News or these other outlets. Their whole lives are consumed by it, from what they read and hear in church, to what they hear and see on TV, is all one-sided, just one point of view. There really is truth in the idea that if you hear something often enough and long enough, you begin to believe it, and close your mind off to any other thoughts except the lies you’re being fed. Those lies then become your subjective truth. Discernment is no longer even part of the lexicon of life. You just rely on your cult leadership to discern truth for you.

I know this from personal experience. For two years, I listened to Christian talk radio and was taken in by it. During that time, instead of being content, I was totally miserable, felt totally unworthy of love, even from God, and could not seem to get out of that cycle. Finally, God rescued and released me from all that by speaking directly to me. Yes, I heard his voice, clearly. He called me his daughter, and told me that I cannot be who I am not. That freed my spirit, completely, from the brainwashing I experienced listening to Christian talk radio. If God had not rescued me from that bondage, in 2008, I’m not sure I would be in this world today. It was a profound healing experience, one I pray many others, in similar circumstances, will have, if they just cry out to God and sincerely pray to be delivered.

The worst part of this, for me, is that I believe many Christians in the United States have lost or switched off their ability to really hear  DJT, his words and the words of his advisors. I have heard and read those words since 2015, and I prayed that many others heard them, in their spirit, during and after DJT’s first term in office, and would not be brainwashed for a second time. Obviously, this is not the case. So we will again be experiencing DJT, episode II. To me, this is terrible, but even more terrible is what it could mean for our country, and beyond that, what it could mean globally.

The perspective of many Christians in the US is that DJT was sent by God. The Bible clearly states the fruits of the spirit, and I think those fruits should be evident in one’s speech and actions, and if they are not present, I think I have every right to use the free will God gave me, and gives every one of us, to disregard that person as Godly. DJT says he has not sinned and does not need to ask or pray for God’s forgiveness. You know who that sounds like to me? The Devil. He doesn’t feel he needs forgiveness either. If I listen carefully to DJT’s words,  what I hear and read are statements and claims entirely devoid of the fruits of the spirit. His language is profane, to me. His actions are profane, to me. His words are filled with lies and hate, repeated over and over, and I cannot understand why so many Christians excuse and condone this, and even deem it acceptable, and repeatedly say that he doesn’t mean what he says. This is not about a liberal or conservative point of view or even politics. It’s about simple, basic human decency. What I fail to understand is why so many disregard his actions and revere him. The man is a convicted criminal, and has appointed three Justices to the Supreme Court of the United States who have given him absolute immunity from prosecution for any acts or crimes he has committed or may commit while President of the United States. In other words, he is not bound by the rule of law or the United States Constitution, while President of the United States. As President, when he took the oath of office in 2017, he swore to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States from all enemies, foreign and domestic.” I feel he has violated that oath numerous times since, and he has said, in his speeches, what his intentions are. Even in 2021, on January 6th, his speech and actions embraced lawlessness, in my opinion, when he urged a crowd to go to the Capitol, and when he learned this crowd wanted to hang Vice President Pence, he reacted by saying “so what,” and for hours, failed to make any kind of public response to this attempted overthrow of the government. But, of course, the SCOTUS ruled he has immunity from prosecution. He has also filed lawsuit after lawsuit, adjudicated to be frivolous and without Merritt, concerning claims he actually won the 2020 Presidential election, while many of his legal representatives have been disbarred for filing these false claims. DJT remains completely free.

That was then, and this is now. So, what I’m hearing in his speeches is his intent to appoint people to Cabinet positions who he says, first must be loyal to him, with their qualifications being secondary. That, in my opinion, is what a fascist dictator says and requires. What the Constitution requires is loyalty to Constitutional principles and the rule of law, not loyalty to DJT or any other person, but to the principles of democracy in this republic.

DJT has repeatedly spoken of the possible use of the military to round up and deport millions living in America, even the spouses of these individuals who are United States citizens. He also has spoken of using the military to shoot people who peaceably and legally protest, in total disregard of the right to peaceably assemble, a right provided in the United States Constitution. He has also spoken about locking up people and members of the press who he deems his political enemies–meaning no more 1st Amendment. I recall he tried to eliminate 1st Amendment rights in 2017 with his Muslim ban, and he continues to say President Obama was not and is not a United States citizen. These are just a few examples of campaign disinformation and presentation of alternative facts. And yet, from so many who say character and morals are so very important, he gets a free pass, and is allowed to behave in ways I consider abominable toward women, even referring to our Vice President as a c*nt. I refuse to accept this grossness from those who claim to be members of the body of Christ. That is not my body of Christ. And, as for my body, I cannot accept members of the body of Christ dictating to me or anyone their religion. Freedom of religion is a 1st Amendment guarantee. And no man, Christian or otherwise, is going to dictate to me what some man can do to my body without my explicit and intentional consent.

I am also profoundly disturbed by many aspects of Project 2025. DJT has not said he embraces it, but his actions and plans demonstrate, unequivocally, that he does. The project aims to reduce government regulations, potentially weakening enforcement of civil rights protections like the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). This could lead to decreased accessibility and accommodations in public and private sectors. The Project sets forth proposed changes to welfare and social service programs which would likely reduce support for disabled people and their families, increasing financial and social challenges. DJT has said he wants to eliminate the Affordable Care Act–not replace it–eliminate it. That would mean, at the very least, severe cuts to Medicare and Medicaid, programs people with disabilities and senior citizens rely on. DJT has also said he wants to transform the United States Department of Justice from an independent government department into an extension of the Executive branch of government, so he can legally prosecute and persecute anyone or any group of people of his choosing.

Project 2025 calls for  dismantling the Department of Education and leaving it up to the states to determine educational needs, on a state-by-state basis, gutting the uniformity of educational curricula throughout the country. This would severely limit the ability of students to compete on the global stage. Do people want this for their children, perhaps for generations to come? This  would likely also jeopardize special education services and support for students with disabilities, not to mention no more library services such as Bookshare and National Library Services, which provide much of the digital book content many students and adults with print or reading disabilities rely on for both library and text books, and something adults, such as myself, rely on for books and newspapers in accessible formats.

The project also proposes policies that could push disabled people out of federally funded and subsidized housing through work requirements and time limits, with total disregard for those unable to work, or those who employers traditionally refuse to hire because of their disabilities. These changes could potentially reverse decades of progress in disability rights, moving away from a civil rights model back towards a charity model for disability support, potentially causing massive homelessness among people with physical and/or mental disabilities. I have yet to see the church knock on my door and ask what they can do to support me, so my reliance on the church, I think, would be totally misplaced.

Project 2025 also references dismantling existing protections for LGBTQ rights and same-sex couples. It proposes removing terms like “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” from federal laws, which would undermine anti-discrimination protections in healthcare, education, housing and employment. The project also advocates policies that promote only traditional family structures, potentially restricting adoption and fostering by LGBTQ couples. Additionally, it seeks to limit healthcare access for transgender individuals and reverse workplace protections established by the Bostock v. Clayton County ruling. Project 2025 also aims to significantly alter federal policies and structures, potentially impacting people with disabilities who rely on service animals. The initiative includes plans to reduce federal workforce and dismantle various agencies, which could undermine protections and programs crucial for disabled individuals. Changes in regulations could affect the enforcement of ADA guidelines, which currently mandate access for service animals in public spaces. This might lead to increased discrimination and reduced accessibility for those accompanied by service animals.

I realize many Christian fundamentalists would be perfectly happy with and applaud eliminating these civil rights protections, so they can continue to discriminate against, and continue to judge and attempt to control who others love and the lifestyles others choose. But, I believe God gave me free will to decide many things, including worshiping him or not, and I believe who I love in a relationship is between me and God, not between everyone else and God.

Project 2025 also has significant implications for legal immigrants in the U.S. It aims to reshape the immigration system, potentially leading to mass deportations and family separations. DJT has already embraced this part of Project 2025, going so far as saying he will use the military and turn it against our own people. Legal immigrants could face increased barriers to obtaining legal representation, as funding for immigration legal services may be cut. The plan also proposes to limit pathways to legal residency, such as Temporary Protected Status and visas, which could affect immigrants’ ability to maintain their legal status. Stricter requirements and expedited deportation processes could undermine due process of law for legal immigrants. Project 2025 could also significantly impact legal immigrants on the path to U.S. citizenship by exacerbating application backlogs and potentially halting new applications if backlogs are deemed “excessive”. The initiative aims to reduce family-based immigration and limit work visas, which could affect those relying on these pathways. Additionally, stricter vetting processes and financial requirements could make it harder for immigrants to meet eligibility criteria. These changes might delay or prevent legal immigrants from progressing towards citizenship, altogether, affecting their ability to secure permanent residency and work authorization.

Again, I’m aware of the absolute expressed disdain, and often outright hatred many Christian conservatives have for immigrants. I know, because I experienced it, firsthand, during a family discussion about this topic, by people I’ve known and loved for over thirty years. This discussion and hostility has completely changed both my respect and trust for the people involved, and the fact I’ve never even received an apology for such behavior is most distressing of all. The people involved call themselves Christians. That leaves me cold.

I often wonder if, when these massive deportations take place, if those so much in favor of them really understand the full scope of the consequences? The deportation of millions won’t just have an impact on those being deported and/or their families. It will have a far reaching impact on all of society. Those deported millions will no longer be working at jobs, often service economy jobs, and they will no longer be contributing to the tax base either. So, who will pick up that slack? Many of these jobs are filled by migrants, in the first place, because those feeling white privilege won’t take those jobs. So, I wonder who among those who want to preserve their white privilege, at all costs, will step up and be serving the public in restaurants, stores, gas stations, as domestic workers in hotels and homes of the wealthy? I wonder who will be delivering groceries and the items ordered online or even filling online orders and stocking grocery store and retail shelves? Since the Pandemic, many businesses have closed, they say, because they can’t find workers. If that is the case now, with so-called millions of migrants in the country, I have to think massive deportations of the current work force is only going to exacerbate the problem, exponentially. If there are no longer sufficient numbers of people to unload goods coming into the United States, and of there are no longer sufficient numbers of workers to transport these goods across the country, how is that going to impact society? I think it will create massive food and labor shortages, empty grocery store and retail store shelves. And, because of labor and product scarcities, there will likely be instability and a breakdown of the rule of law, where it’s more or less every person out for him or herself.

As a person with disabilities, I feel extremely vulnerable, even though I own my own home, and only rely on Social Security and Medicare. Still, DJT has said, in his speeches, that he has disdain for people with disabilities, and that we should be killed. So, I don’t feel very safe or loved or even tolerated by the incoming administration. In fact, I think I am experiencing some of what the Jews in WWII Germany felt as they were rounded up, their property and money confiscated, and they were marched o to labor camps or to the gas chamber–millions of them. DJT has already said he wants to have unhoused people dealing with mental illness or addiction related issues rounded up in placed in “mental institutions.” How far removed is that from people like me being rounded up and put in camps and liquidated?” Not very far removed, in my view, since DJT has told his nephew, Fred Trump, III, that Fred’s disabled son should die. That’s concerning to me. I’ve already had one vivid dream about someone knocking on my door, coming in and hauling me away. Living in a red state does not alleviate that concern at all. During his first administration, DJT treated immigrants in detention camps abominably, so why would I, or people like me, be treated any better, this time around? So much mistreatment was done in secret, last time around, so it could easily happen again. I don’t want myself or anyone else to be a victim of that or anything similar.

These things weigh my spirit down so much, I wonder if I can survive it physically. I went to law school and worked in the legal profession in order to promote and work for positive change, because I was inspired by the 1963 march on Washington for jobs. I am white and have benefitted greatly from white privilege, and that very white privilege also profoundly disgusts me and makes me feel so very ashamed. People of my parents generation who fought in WWII to free the world from Nazi tyranny would be appalled to see this happening in the United States, I think. I’m relieved my freedom-loving parents are not here to experience this. It would break their hearts, just as it is breaking mine now.